Visions of High Places

Last night I watched videos by Steve Harvey and he spoke of visions from the Lord, suggesting to his audience to read Hebakkuk 2. As I woke this morning, I ordered a devotional he recommended called “Jesus Calling” and then went to this scripture he spoke of.

The first thing I noticed as peculiar was the cover of the devotional Harvey spoke of. I’ve held this book in my hand before. While in Miami last year it was gifted to me. I don’t even remember who gave it to me or how I ended up with that devotional book from Sarah Young. But I remember I gave it away when I left in a box to a woman in my apartments that rescued dogs. Why did I only read it a few times and assume it was meant to be passed along without my use? Was it my pride that said I had already done my days of Bible reading and devotionals and needed to not pick up this daily practice again? Or was it my humility that said I am not deserving of the gifts inside of it and should pass all good things God gives me onto another?

I’ve done that for as long as I could remember. Whatever God blesses me with, I have felt unworthy to receive and so I handed it to another. Even the gifts he’s given me I’ve always used to showcase another, uplift another or make another successful and prosperous. But is the calling of Jesus? Should a woman make herself invisible and withhold nothing that Heaven sends as the businesses, friends and people who pass through her gifted time on this earth are all given a piece of God’s portion that she beholds? Today I feel silly in these ideas as I realize God had gifted me that devotional book for a reason that was to speak to my heart, direct my steps and lead me in my calling that Jesus has for me. God wants to bless me and is asking me to receive all of His Good Gifts in store for me – to stop passing the baton he didn’t instruct me to give away. And this was demonstrated to me last week when I met a man from Huntington who is struggling financially to even pay his bills, looks at his mother who is in need of many things and doesn’t give to her but he gifts to every stranger on his trips at work things they don’t deserve. He gave to me money for dinner, a hat from the Gospel Museum of Music and extra gas money when I drove them to his aunt’s house upon our arrival back to LA. I wondered why he was so giving and asked him this question. He said that he was very blessed to be in a family who had a lot of money. But during my stay with him I learned this was not true. I wondered why he pretended to have and why he Glorified God in sharing a wealth that was invisible. God loves a giving heart but he never asks us to provide for others what we don’t truly hold in our hands. Perhaps this is a lesson I must learn today; to believe God wants to bless me and to know that what God gives to me has my name on it and should be received by my hands and my heart with gratitude and treasured rather than passed along.

After I ordered the book, I opened the Bible to Hebakkuk. Rather than start in passage 2, I read the entire bookfrom start to end. Hebakkuk sees the trouble and the injustices as he cries out to the Lord. The man carries the fear of what he perceives to be coming but also carries the understanding from God that the trouble coming upon the earth is purposed. God is moving to set things right and the ultimate goal of God’s hand upon the lands was to turn the tables. God’s justice is never to allow a city that causes harm, violence and vanity for the sake of oppressing his children to reign on. God hears the cries of his little ones and he answers in strength that causes even the mountains to quake and all the living to bow and recognize HIS power; much greater than the leaders, the decision makers and the kings of this earth over various societies and industries.

God will put us in places as the oppressed, the hungry, the lonely; he will make us to be the voices that cry out for help in our season of the wilderness so that we see the evil and the injustice. We have to feel it, get burned by it and sew in tears from that place because the anger that stirs within us is creating a desire to join our hearts to God in the opposition of that mindset so that when he humbles the proud and exalts the lowly into high places, those ones will use the gifts from God to glorify his name and his will.

Since I’ve been in LA I have spoken to many about the book that I wrote of true experiences from a hospital room where God showed his power is greater than science and medical systems. God performed a miracle in that ICU room and I wanted the story to be given to everyone. I wanted all people to know the power of prayer and the truth that what people can’t do God can do. I wanted people who were sick, harmed in accidents or family members that slept in hospital chairs for months upon months to know there is hope. What the doctors predict isn’t what God says and only Jesus is the author of life and death. God has the final say to whether we live, die or heal beyond what human tongues say is possible. I wanted that story to bless many.

I have told my story to people here and each time I got my hopes up as these people would set meetings, make promises to help me complete a screen play script or make offers to me that if I would help them with their projects they’d in return help me pitch my book to film. Today as I write this my roomate has a house guest; a woman who recently wrote a memoir of her mother’s ill treatment of her as a child. My roomate invited her here because she’s turning her book into a film script for her. And I thought to myself as if to ask God, “Why won’t she help me? She promised she would and I’ve been here seven months living under her roof. She never even finished reading my book. I’ve created several pitch decks for her and video sizzles to help her with her projects and she never did what she promised to do in helping me with my book. Why is she helping others instead?”

I’ve been in this situation before – opposed in my dreams of what I believe God will do. I remember in the hospital rooms pleading with doctors to come into alignment with hope and offer me solutions to save my ex-husband’s life and I was met with words like, “There is nothing more we can do. The damage is already done.” This go-round the words I’ve been told by so-called experts in the movie industry sound like, “You need to take the Jesus out of the book. Producers are looking for faith-based stories without the divine intervention. You should instead write a part 2 that talks about all of the horrible things your husband and family did to you.” It seems people in this industry are programmed to want the bad news, the drama that sells and the fault finding plots that glorify the evil works of humans rather than the powerful works of God.

I could very easily confound to this template and write more drama than their eyes have ever seen. I could talk about being born into the world without a dad, the stories of injustices that led me on a lifelong journey to uncover lies, the money scandals, the oppression, the abuse and the hurt that others have inflicted upon me and to even begin to elaborate would peak the interest of many. I know my story has enough tragedy to fill an entire season of coffee cup round tables where women spew the word “narcissist” and pass around tissues with fake empathy upon their lips. Drama sells and I have lots of it to give if I wanted to be another voice of despair and victimhood. But is that what God wants? I think not.

The final words of Habakkuk speak of the result and the promise of God. He sees the terrible visions, he prays, he waits for the Lord to answer and then he proclaims the outcomes as he writes, “I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength and he wlll make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places to the chief singer on my stringed instruments.”

God’s desire is not for us to swim around in victimhood and use our mouths to speak of all that others did wrong to us. He doesn’t want us to lift up our voices to share with others the drama that gives a stage to evil acts, he wants us to speak of the victory that HIS STRENGTH over all circumstances has written upon our stories. The good news is the outcome as Hebakkuk declares he now walks upon high places. He was rescued from the pit. He was redeemed from the struggles and the oppression and all of the horrifying movements of God that made the earth tremble were the very provisions that moved all the puzzle pieces into place to flip the script and uplift Hebakkuk.

I’ve had many visions. Years ago I had a vision of Malibu on fire as I drove through the Santa Monica mountains. That vision came to pass in January of 2025. I’ve had a vision of myself in a pool of water as a film crew surrounded me and a man. I’ve had visions of my son with a wife and child gathered with me and my person (a new love interest I presume) as we cooked food on the grille in a beautiful backyard setting in laughter and joy. I have no idea how I would ever get to these places. Today I rent a room from this script writer who won’t give me the time of day, I work a job I don’t belong to for an airline where I am met with horrible work schedules, little pay and angry customers and I can barely afford to pay for the car I drive. Although I’m grateful because not long ago I didn’t have a home to stay in (literally I was living in cheap hotel rooms), I didn’t know what to do to earn money to eat with and I went nearly a year without a car to drive – walking to dentist appointments and the grocery store. I’m not where I belong but God has uplifted me from the lowest places I’ve been. I’m grateful I can take a shower and go for walks. There were days as a caregiver I couldn’t find time to myself to do anything for myself. I’m grateful I’m not in a hospital room clinging to hope as I’m surrounded by voices of doubt and machines that alert staff of death incoming. I’m grateful God answered my prayers to let my children’s father live, to gift miracles in our sight through those times and I’m grateful that my son has made it through horrific nights when he spoke to me that he wished to take his own life. I’m grateful my daughter is no longer turning to weed and alcohol to numb her pain. I’m grateful that the both of them are speaking of the potential to move here and live with me in the next season of our life. I’m grateful my mother is taking good care of my dog Drako today and I’m grateful that I’m alive, breathing and typing into a laptop computer that only sometimes powers up – but today it’s working for me. Today, I’m documenting these words to honor the God who writes and finishes my story and perfects my faith and today my God is not done with me yet.

If God gave me these visions then He’s made a way to get me there. He has a path for me that will result in me living in a high place with love, family, prosperity and purpose in my life. He plans to give me a platform of some sort where people who carry cameras come to capture me on film. He plans to give me love and a new relationship that brings me joy, support and companionship I desire. He plans to bless my kids with love, children and a future that looks nothing like the past when all of us were struggling just to see the light in dark days.

Last week I asked a Hollywood producer to pay me the hourly rate of $55 that she had promised to me when she approached me in December to offer me a side job working on a docuseries that highlights her life and her path. She was to be the star of this show and she spoke to me about her dream for this project to lead to a talk show where she would be like the next Oprah. She shared with me her plans to write the book of her story – abused by her ex-husband and exiled by her adult kids. She also shared with me her desire to have a ranch one day for her kids to go to. At the core of all she spoke, she said she wanted JUSTICE to be served for all the wrong doing that had been done to her.

When I turned in my hours to her on an invoice I shorted myself. Even though she’s a millionaire I heard a voice of doubt speaking to me, “You aren’t worthy to receive payment for all of the labor you did for this woman.” So, I turned in only 37 hours for a full month of daily work. She responded the next day with a text message and said she refused to pay me because I never made for her a business plan. This was confusing and shocking to me. I never was asked to create for her a business plan. She had hired me to come up with show ideas, create graphics, work on a website and make video sizzles. I’m not a business plan person. But in effort to rectify her request I spent that entire evening putting together a business plan to the best of my ability. I sent it over and attached the hours again.

The next day she responded and said, “I needed this a long time ago. I will only pay you $1,000. I don’t like being caught off guard and I have too much going on in my life right now.” She decided that I was responsible for her lack of planning and direction in the project she approached me to work on for her. She decided that I was somehow responsible for her personal life struggles. She decided that I was the reason that she felt startled in being asked to uphold her agreement she made with me. She decided I should suffer injustice of not being paid what she owed to me and she decided that my worth wasn’t even equivalent to minimum wage in this country. Perhaps she showed me the works of victimhood as a lesson I needed to see. When we want to seek justice on our own rather than trusting God to make things right, we wage war against even the ones who help us and we become the villain who steals from another. My time was arranged for a payment and to withhold payment is theft. To make matters worse, she knows I’m struggling to pay my basic necessities. She knows I have been sending money to Texas for my child to have food to eat. She knows that I needed that extra money I was working for very badly. And the voice within says, “God, if you ever place me in position where I have the means to produce a show and hire workers to do the filming and planning, I will pay them every dollar they are owed and bless them with bonuses even. I will be grateful for the ones you send to me and I’ll treat them fairly. God I will never deny a worker her wages if you put me in this position.”

So this morning, I moved the work I did that she didn’t pay for to a new domain called “The Immortal Pen.” Her show that I was working on will be God’s show in this place. God removed the Hollywood producer from my life who didn’t pay me for my labor and decided that HE would be the producer of this show and God is the Father of Lights who gives good gifts to His children and Jesus is the author and finisher of this story.

I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t know the path that God has for me or what he might do with these writings but I pray that the windows of Heaven will open and rain grace over my every step from this moment forward. I pray that God will give me eyes to see his blessings and the miracles of every moment. I pray that these doors slammed in my face will be counted as divine detours that were all part of the journey and that everyone who didn’t treat me fairly, everyone who said “no” to my desire to tell God’s story and everyone who counted me as small and meaningless will one day receive gifts from me with little notes that say, “Look what God did – the true script writer, producer and author of all things.”

I registered for an audition next month held in Marina Del Ray for a new show on Fox that’s bringing back Baywatch. I don’t have the confidence in myself to get a part in a show and I have no acting experience, agent representation or even a resume. I had to use an old camera phone picture as my headshot and I struggled to answer the question on the registration form, “Why should we consider you for this show?” I registered because a friend sent me the link. I registered because I don’t want to be crippled by fear, afraid of rejection and held in chains of human logic that tells us that we can’t do something because we have no experience or we aren’t qualified. I don’t want to be a prisoner to the voice that says I’m too old or it’s too late for me. I registered because in the vision I speak of above that I received over a year ago where I had a film crew around me, I was wearing a red swimsuit. I registered because even though I don’t believe it’s possible for me to win a part in this TV show, I believe it’s possible for God to do it.

My confidence is in God and God alone. I will walk through every open door I see and I will keep asking and keep believing he has a plan for my life beyond what I even think is possible. And i will open my heart to receive the miracles that defy logic and the blessings that I don’t deserve, but he gives simply because I ask.

Dear Heavenly Father,

You know that I write this with trembling hands today. You know that I’m seeking things I can’t yet see and I’m doing my best to align with the imagination that has led me to dream dreams of your glory on the other side of all that I have suffered through. I know I can’t figure out a way to get where my heart desires to go. I only know that I have this desire. I want to be uplifted and be a story that gives hope to others who have been where I am. I want to tell everyone with a microphone in my hand and thousands in the audience, “If God can do this for me, he will do it for you.” I want to be a voice for the fatherless, the widows, the throw-aways and the forgotten that speaks of your power and screams from the mountaintops, “God can do anything.” So Lord I pray this today and ask you to help me walk in your strength and your courage. I ask you to be my confidence and to be my belief when I don’t even know how to believe. You know the truth of my thoughts. You know the things I’ve been through. You know the doors that have been slammed in my face and you know my heart to love your little ones and to not worship the people in high places but to worship you and honor your children that cry out for help today. Lead me God. Engrave the visions of hope into my mind so that my dreams are far too big to rival the voices of doubt. Shut my ears to not even hear the ankle biters that would laugh at my aspirations. Teach me to walk on water and to keep my eyes on you as I enter the promised land you have prepared for me. Remind me that Jesus was the final sacrifice and I am not to be trampled another day or another moment by people. By his stripes I am healed, by his righteousness I am eternally saved and by his immortal pen I am blessed, favored and carried to the top of the staircase by your mighty hand.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.